Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
