I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
