I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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