Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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