I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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