did you get engaged???
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
