Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
