i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
