i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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