What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
