I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize