new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
