She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
