david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
