youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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