found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
