So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
are you so shy because you have an std?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
