and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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