you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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