tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize