I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize