I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
