It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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