K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's like heaven, but drunker
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
