O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
FUCK WHALES
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
