sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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