did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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