You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
