is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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