The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
