But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
