Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
