Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
