Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
