Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him