you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
