I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.