Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
