Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy