If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
