my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
