Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
