She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
