Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
