he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
