Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
