did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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