I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize