im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
