it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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