i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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