she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
