So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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