I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
