I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
