that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
