i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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