the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Randomize
