im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
