I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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