hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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