just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
