I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
