i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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