Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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