My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
