The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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