I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
