At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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