soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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