Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
