Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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