Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
