I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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